Luke and I just got back from California last night. We were only gone for a few nights but it was an AMAZING break. It's the longest we've been away from Sylvan, and (mother of the year moment) I really needed a break. This has been a crappy winter for me. The weather hasn't even been all that bad, but I've been having terrible cabin fever in our house and for some reason every day I struggle to muster up the energy to do anything about it.
The sunny skies and warm air of California were an amazing pick-me-up, but it's been a tough day being back home. The only good thing is that we got to see Sylvan and boy, did we miss him! Luke and I watched videos of him on our Blackberries that we had recorded, so that helped. It's amazing what a few days away will do to your perspective... when we saw Sylvan today, he looked gigantic. I couldn't believe how big he looked. In my mind he was much smaller, but he looks like a little boy now! It's not like he grew significantly in three days, but it sort of re-set my mental picture of him and made me realize how much he's actually grown.
When we were gone my nausea kept up quite a bit. I popped gravol every morning and that helped, but it was still tough to get much food in without having to stop and take long breaks. I would feel hungry in the morning and optimistically order a big breakfast, but then as soon as it was set in front of me I could barely look at it.
I've been having really random smell aversions with this pregnancy. If Sylvan smells a teensy bit I can barely handle holding him. I'm not even talking poopy-smell... just ... unwashed. It's hard to explain. I don't even really know what it is. Also, if my hair hasn't been washed in a day or two I REALLY can't stand it. It's weird to have an aversion to yourself.... but it is definitely there.
I have NOT been taking weekly belly shots of myself the way I did with Sylvan. It's true... your priorities/approach to pregnancy definitely change with each one. With Sylvan it was all so new and thrilling, and this time it feels different. Not any less thrilling, but I feel more calm about it. I feel less anxious to record every single moment the way I did with Sylvan. I can actually be patient for the different stages of pregnancy and enjoy them (when I'm not feeling barfy). Looking back, when I was pregnant with Sylvan I felt almost panicky about making sure I took a picture every single week, in the same exact spot in our kitchen, standing the same exact way. This time I'm able to focus more on the baby growing inside of me and appreciate each stage for what it is. I could hardly wait for the next stage with Sylvan... I was never satisfied with where I was at. I think a part of it was fear... that nothing was guaranteed, and that if I lost the pregnancy I wanted to make sure I had documented as much of it as I could... almost as though the more I focused on the pregnancy and obsessed with it, the more likely it would 'stick'. It was my first pregnancy so I had no idea how my body would be able to deal with it all or what the possibility was that I would lose the baby. Now for some reason, I feel a lot more serene about it all. A part of that could be that I have lots more to focus on, like a toddler. I don't have room in my day or time to obsessively pose for pictures and write long blog posts.
Speaking of blog posts, this is a long one! Over and out.
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